2007 Part 2

300) The Reptile (1966) **: Fairly standard Hammer faire. I dug it, but as is the case with most of these movies, it’s more about the atmosphere and imagery than the plot or cinematic technique. The reptile chick was VERY cool too.

299) Fade To Black (1980) *: Corny flick about a kid obsessed with old Hollywood movies who becomes obsessed with this Marilyn Monroe lookalike and eventually slips into complete psychosis and starts killing the people who’ve been mean to him. This would be absolutely unwatchable if it wasn’t for the, uh, “unique” performance of kid playing the psycho.

298) Demon of the Lake AKA Creature from Black Lake (1976) zilch: Oh dear lord, a Legend of Boggy Creek KNOCKOFF? As if the actual Boggy Lake movies aren’t shitty enough? Say it ain’t so! Hicks and bigfoot, a boring combination.

297) Angel of the Night AKA Nattens Angel (1998) *: Danish vampire flick that’s very “90’s” in a bad way. Lots of post-John Woo gunplay, hackneyed dialogue and generally awkward attempt at a big budget “edgy” American film. The ending’s great though (a vampire and an explosion!)

296) Blood Orgy of the She Devils (1972) **: Campy drive in faire. It’s light on the sleeze, but goes overboard on the cheese, so fans of camp, well, already know from the title this is good. Oh, and of course there’s enough Satanic rituals to keep my interest.

295) The Witches (1966) **: Decent Hammer horror about a mysteeeerious town with mysteeerious people doing mysteeerious things. Gee, I wonder if the title of the film might give some glue as to what this mystery might be? Na, as far as the “rural town full of secret creeps” motif goes, this is a good ‘un, and the rituals and stuff at the end all look really cool. I dug it.

294) Vampire Happening (1971) *: Here’s a campy German horror themed sex/comedy that’s not very sexy or funny. Well, okay, there’s lots of T&A, but not really enough for this sort of thing. The cheap Scooby Doo style set design and costumes were actually pretty entertaining, but I like trash. I wouldn’t really suggest this for horndogs, though, who I imagine are the only people who would be drawn to a movie like this.

293) Planet of Blood (1966) **: No, not the Bava flick of the same name, this is a super cheap sci-fi b-movie revolving around a trip to mars, I think, and the sole survivor or an ancient civilization. The astronauts bring her back with them, but uh-oh, she bites! The girl playing the Martian vampire (yes, Martian vampire) is pretty convincing as a femme fatale, and bears a striking resemblance to the alien chick from Mars Attacks. Cheap fun right here, with some surprisingly great moments.

292) Horror Express (1973) **: Pretty cool flick with a great cast of pros (Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Telly Savalas) about a frozen monster on a train who (duh) gets loose and starts not only killing, but smoothing out people’s brains. Yeah, smooth brains. It’s not as I’m making it out to be, though. Like I said, there’s a great cast and some definite left turns for what starts out as a “monster on a train” number.

291) Blood and Roses (1960) ***: Roger Vadim did this number, and I’m no French cinema guy, but Barbarella’s been one of my faves since I was a youth, so I was stoked to check out some more of this guy’s stuff, and even more stoked when I got a lush atmospheric period piece about vampires, and old family secrets and all that. This is some grade A cinema right here that really merits all the hollow criticspeak like “heart wrenching cinematic beauty” and all that.

290) Screaming Skull (1958) *: A recently married husband and wife move into the house where the husband’s ex recently died in. The wife is spooked, of course, and the creepy Maynard Krebs-like gardener doesn’t help matters. Soon enough there’s all the signs of a haunted house, complete with—you guessed it—a screaming skull. The bride has some sort of mental condition, so no one believes her, of course, but you know something’s afoot. Fairly generic but fun old b-movie, not life changing, but you’ll make it through without getting too bored.

289) Dr. Hackenstein (1988) zilch: I was tempted to give this one star ‘cause of Ann Ramsey, but I dunno, I was just bored with this intentionally campy horror/comedy. Three sisters, a mad scientist, a dead wife, who cares. I think the main fault here is there’s just not enough skin. Take a cue from Blood Diner guys.

288) Metamorphosis (1990) *: Here’s a not very bad or good fusion of Chronenberg’s Fly and the Reanimator, without the innovative and over-the-top special effects that made those movies work. As you can guess, there’s an overzealous scientist and his stuffy colleagues that warn him about taking his experiments to far…And of course he listens, acts in a professional and academically ethical manner, and nothing goes wrong at all. Right. There’s still a few grossout moments, and in this age of budget CGI effects, even standard derivative horror FX are a treat for the eyes, but stick to the movies this film’s so obviously borrowing from.

287) Cassandra (1986) *: Forgettable (and I say that because I can barely remember what happened) Aussie psychological number about a girl who has bad dreams. There’s a lot of family drama and blah blah blah. I got all the way through it at least, but obviously spaced out quite a bit.

286) The Dead Zone (1983) ***: Hmm, Stephen King stories bore the living shit out of me, but I worship at the altar of Chronenberg, so what’s a boy to do? Uh, sit back and dig the fucking awesome Christopher Walken performance and get down with the mindless twists you expect from a Stephen King story. The Chronenberg touch doesn’t really shine through on this (except there’s one scene where Walken’s mom dies, and there’s this really brief close-up on her wrists that really drives home the frailty of an old body), but his name’s on the box, and therefore I like it.

285) The Dark (1979) *: Boring movie about a spaceman terrorizing a city with a streak of nighttime murders. BUT, it totally redeems itself with a lengthy finale of the space monster slaying cops with lasers. I mean, yeah, this was pretty mindless and boring, but shit, if you wanna pass on a laser beam cop massacre, be my guest.

284) The Collector (1965) ***: Great movie in the post-Psycho vein (likeable, attractive male sociopath motif). It was really odd how the moments of suspense were when the kidnapper was close to being caught, and not really when the prisoner was close to escaping. The way the relationships develop to the point where neither character can truly love the other, but they both need each other in a weird symbiotic way was brilliant. It seemed like the only times the characters were ever really intimate was when they were in s&m type scenarios, so really it's more a story about roles in relationships as opposed to a love story per se, which is much more interesting/problematic. For a movie about kidnapping a girl and locking her in your basement, this is a pretty deep flick. Highly recommended.

283) Sisters of Death (1977) zilch: A gal accidentally gets killed during a sorority initiation, and for some reason or another all the girls get back together, and the rest basically plays out like a Scooby Doo episode.

282) Splatter: Architects of Fear (1986) **: I think this is a shot-on-video joint, but I’m not 100%. I have to admit I’m a bit biased, as I saw this film as a youth and kind of got all nostalgic watching it again, BUT, at base there is a fairly interesting premise here: it’s a special effects “mockumentary” behind the scenes at a post-apocalyptic amazon vs. mutant movie. The fake movie is just a tool to give the viewer a “behind the scenes” look at how all the “state of the art” special effects are done. It would almost certainly be more entertaining to watch the actual amazon vs. mutant flick, but at 70 minutes, this flick does its job for mindless entertainment. Also, there’s a scene with some A+ T&A(&P!) from a Canadian punker amazon chick. Just throwing that out there.

281) Witchtrap (1989) **: Wow, I actually kept this in my “keep” section? Well, it does have some ace death scenes, which in itself is never enough, but I think what makes this flick appealing is it probably does have some of the worst acting I’ve seen, and if you look around on this list alone, you’ll realize that’s saying a lot. The special effects make the film look like there was at least some budget, but no joke, just about every spoken line is laughable. And of course, as mentioned, there’s decent enough death scenes.

280) To the Devil a Daughter (1976) *: This one has to do with a girl who keeps having weird dreams, and there’s a secret Satanic society involved, and a baby, and…Who cares, in the end this is a hackneyed Rosemary’s Baby/Exorcist mashup, but done with a little too much restraint for my (and most exploitation hounds) taste. Of course there are some heavy anti-religious themes and some adequate Satanic ritual footage, so in the end it’s not a total loss, but don’t sweat this one too much.

279) Hellish Flesh (1977) ****: Yes, I’m giving every Marins film four stars, deal with it. This one doesn’t star Coffin Joe proper, but it’s Marins playing a diabolical scientist type whose wife tries to murder him and deform his face with acid. She’s living it up with her new boy toy, but really, how long do you think that’ll last? I was a little stressed on this one, namely because of its “straight forward” nature, and of course the terrible quality of the print, but fuck, the ending made up for it in spades. At base the plot might not be different than your standard EC revenge story, but if you know anything about Marins, you know he ends everything with an exclamation mark, and this film ended with me and my friend’s mouth wide open in amazement. Another diabolical entry in the Coffin Joe library.

278) The Whip and the Body (1963) **: In theory this is right up my alley. You got your gothic atmosphere, a plot based around a woman being torn between a sadistic (ghost) brother and a “marrying type,” and of course Bava at the helm, but I dunno, this one just didn’t stick with me for some reason. It could have been that I’m watching a bootleg version that may or may not be a sloppy reedit, or maybe I just wasn’t in the mood, but I’m definitely ready to give the film a higher rating if I see a better version down the line. Despite my ambivalent attitude, you still got that great 60’s Bava atmosphere and some interesting themes about the nature of sexual attraction and all that.

277) Ed Gein (2000) *: I think this came on IFC one night, so I gave it a shot. Obviously it’s a shitty straight to video mess based around (duh) Ed Gein. The film tries to, y’know, “take you inside the mind of a killer” and show stuff from his childhood and all that, but ends up just being passably watchable. There’s really not much to comment on either way here.

276) Spirits of the Dead (1968) ***: I guess these are all Poe stories adapted by different French directors. I’m not familiar with the Poe stories, but who cares, these are all great stories/segments in their own right. The first is Vadim, who, as noted previously, I pay particularly close attention to on account of my unrequited love for Barbarella. Hey, this one’s got Jane (and Peter) Fonda as well! The story deals with a decadent countess and her poor cousin. When the cousin won’t partake in the Countess’s hedonism, she sets fire to his barn. Dick move, no? There’s a weird incestuous subplot going on there, and of course lots of wild sets and costumes. The Moule segment focuses around a charismatic and sadistic “bad guy” and a mysterious “good guy” who follows him around and kind of keeps him in check. The scene where the “bad guy” beats Brigit Bardot at cards and proceeds to whip her and humiliate her in front of a small crowd should be of, uh, “interest” to some folks out there. You may have noticed a duality of good and evil theme at play so far, no? That kind of goes out the window with the Fellini bit, which is a wild and visually surreal romp focusing around a junkie English actor in Italy who’s kind of losing it to say the least. I’m no cinema buff, but if this is a fair representation of Fellini’s work, I gotta start going for the highbrow stuff more often, because this is an amazing segment. The acting really draws you into a visually stunning world rife with nihilism and entropy. The last bit steals the show, but every segment here is great.

275) Night of the Seagulls (1975) **: Here’s a cool Amando D’Ossario jam that’s heavy on the atmosphere and has some REALLY cool robbed skeletons. They’re Knights of Templar? It doesn’t really matter. The plot’s somewhat thin and drags at times, but there’re enough good visuals to keep it going.

274) Black Sabbath (1963) ***: Here’s a killer Mario Bava horror anthology hosted by Boris Karloff with a GRAND finale. Seriously, the last scene of the last story is a crusher. Hmmm, this might be my fave Bava flick, actually. Everything great about his flicks are present, especially the lighting.

273) Haunts (1977) n/a: Can’t really remember this one. Lot’s of psychological stuff.

272) Tainted (1988) *: Here’s a weird thriller about a woman whose husband walks in as she’s being raped. Either the husband or wife kills the rapist, then the husband dies of a heart attack, and then the woman thinks she’s done something wrong, so the rest of the movie is her covering her tracks and kind of losing it. It’s that type of flick, which tends to leave me bored. Some nudity to keep you interested, though.

271) Sadist of Notre Dame (1979) ***: This is the more horror oriented version of Exorcisme. You got mock satanic rituals with lots of sex and a sadistic priest who takes the rituals seriously and tries to “purify” the women involved through s&m and murder. It’s classic Jess Franco, who even plays the priest. Expect lots of reckless zooming and kinky imagery. I dig the Excorcisme cut more ‘cause of the extra sex, but this version still works.

270) Q The Winged Serpent (1982) **: Cool claymation dragon let loose in a city. Michael Moriarty plays a ne’er-do-well petty criminal who discovers the serpent’s nest and exploits it to his own ends. Good acting and entertaining characters makes for a watchable flick.

269) Black Sunday (1960) ***: Killer Bava black and white ambiance about a witch coming back and trying to take her lookalike relative’s place. Tons of killer imagery and all the Bava standards you’d expect.

268) Night Angel (1990) *: Here’s a flick about an evil model type who uses her feminine (and demonic) wiles to move up the ranks at a magazine. A few guys get offed along the way, and there’s not really enough death and t&a to keep the story going. It ends with a Clive Barker-esque trip to “hell” that’s not nearly as cool as it should be.

267) Succubus (1968) ***: Here’s a wild Franco bit that’s light on the sex and death and heavy on the avant-garde cinematic technique. You get lots of literary and cultural references and extended dialogue that may seem uncharacteristic for a Jess Franco flick, but adds up for a real wild and surreal experience. This is a really unique experience to be sure.

266) Deadline (1981) **: This is a pretty cool flick about a horror writer pushed into meeting his—you guessed it—deadline who experiences a lot of daydreams of grizzly deaths. The death scenes are surprisingly competent, and this is an overall enjoyable and watchable horror flick. Unfortunately the copy I saw was in EP and really poor quality.

265) I Walked With a Zombie (1943) **: I’m not really familiar with this era of film, but it came on TCM one day and the Roky reference sucked me in. You got a nurse in Africa, a voodoo cult, and you can guess the rest.

264) Devil Rides Out (1968) **: Cool hammer horror joint. The most notable scene for me was when the giant spider (or maybe a scorpion?) tries to attack inside the “circle of protection.” I kind of spaced out for a lot of this flick, but there was some okay Satanic stuff (but not enough).

263) Conqueror Worm (1968) **: This is a cool witch hunting flick with all the standard abused women and corrupt religious figures and all that.

262) Nightmares (1983) *: Oof, Tales from the Darkside style SCHLOCK. The short where Emilio Estevez hustles arcade games and jams Fear and Black Flag are raging. The one about the giant rat? Eh, not so much.

261) Baron of Blood (1972) **: I get this one confused with Black Sunday since they deal with similar motifs (wrongfully killed witch/magician back for revenge), but it’s atmospheric Bava, so dig it.

260) Female Vampire (1973) ***: Hmmm, yes, I do believe this is my favorite Jess Franco film I’ve seen so far. What appeals to me most about Franco’s films is the idiosyncratic and very present cinematic gaze. The lens zooms uncomfortably close, blurs in and out of focus, and what shows up on screen may not always be pretty or slick, but it’s always something REAL and often presents the viewer with something to think about. What’s often the case, and especially in this film, is a focus on the body, and Franco has never shied from getting up close and personal with his subjects. Longtime Franco collaborator Lina Romay plays a silent and seductive vampire who feeds off male blood and semen. As she writhes and entices, the camera never goes for the soft focus approach, and comes uncomfortably close, giving it a very voyeuristic and overall very human quality. When the characters do have their clothes on, Franco shows that he can still lay on some heavy atmosphere and sculpts a very simple but emotive story focusing on the loneliness and endless longing of the vampire. This is an excellent film you can either write off as smut, treat as a think piece about sexuality, film and the male cinematic gaze, or just get sucked into the lurid and lavish atmosphere. Either way, you’ll probably enjoy yourself.

259) Wizard of Gore (1970) **: More HG Lewis insanity. The premise is there’s this magician who creates an illusion of women getting killed (brutally mangled, too) on stage. But then, after they leave the stage they die in real life. This kooky couple of keen teens decides to investigate this pressing matter, and who the hell cares what happens, really. The whole movie is a thinly veiled excuse to show these grizzly (after a fashion) mutilation scenes. Cheap laffs can be had watching the magician guy talk IN A LOUD MAGICIANLY LIKE VOICE whether he’s on stage or off. I will say that HG Lewis really crafted a consistent cheap aesthetic with all his movies, which justifies a lot of the elements that might come off as camp to modern audiences. Trash is seldom done better.

258) Tenebre (1982) ***: I saw the uncut Anchor Bay print and was floored. This is the first Dario Argento flick where I really clicked with what he was doing, which, in the case of Tenebre, is treating the scenes of excessive violence with a certain artistic touch. The story, a crime novelist trying to solve the case of a killer who’s inspired by his works, is secondary, as what will undoubtedly stand out are the death scenes, which involve gushing blood out of her severed hand, a nude decapitation, and plenty of other shockers. But that’s just it, because of the technique Argento applies to the death scenes, they truly do shock and stay with the viewer after the movie finishes. If you’re on the fence about Italian exploitation, or even if you generally dislike the genre, this might just make a convert out of you or at the very least stand as an exception to the rule.

257) Eaten Alive (1980) AKA Mangiati Viva **: This is an UGLY UGLY UGLY Italian cannibal movie (which is code for going to a jungle and filming some f’d up stuff) centering around a Jim Jones like cult. Any story the film might have takes a backseat to the heaps of ridiculous scenes, including multiple rapes, a dong getting cut off, perpetually topless natives, a dildoing, and token sketchy footage of various animals getting chopped up. I’m still REALLY uncomfortable with seeing real animals getting killed for the sake of a terrible low budget movie, and have to keep telling myself it’s stock footage or something. Like I said, this is an UGLY movie, so it’s meant to leave you feeling kind of grossed out by humanity, both the people portrayed in the film and the people who made it/watch it/demand that kind of cinema (yourself included, obviously). I couldn’t decide between an zilch or four stars, so I gave it two, which is the nature of compromise.

256) Forever Evil (1987) **: Some yuppies go to a cabin in the woods, evil spirits kill most of the yuppies and torment the survivor. Okay, not bad, but prepare yourself for 1) a gutted pregnant chick in the shower 2) a dude FLIPPING OFF THE WOODS THEMSELVES after he escapes them, and 3) Pregnant chick ripping a demon baby out of her own belly. Not to shabby or exceptional pre-CGI special effects make for an all around adequate viewing experience.

255) The Haunting of Julia (1977) *: This one’s a supernatural/psychological thriller centering around the fragile psyche of—yep—Julia, played by Mia Farrow. The lady keeps seeing the ghost of a little dead girl which leads to other spooky stuff happening and everyone telling her it’s all in her mind. Well done enough British flick, but this kind of stuff is lost on me.


254) Curse of the Demon (1957) ***: Here’s another one where I can barely remember any details of the plot (something about a skeptical doctor trying to disprove black magic?) but the visuals and general atmosphere really had an impact on me. The bulk of the setting takes place in the UK countryside, so yes, expect fog and shadows a-plenty, a very effective (especially for the time) smoke demon, and a genuinely suspenseful ending. Don’t get your hopes up for cheapo drive-in faire, though, this is a genuinely great film that should appeal to horror and cinema fans alike.

253) The Beyond (1981) **: An above par Fulci joint revolving around 7 gates to hell. This gets a lot of praise as one of Fulci’s finest, and he’s certainly put out much worse than this, but I gotta say I was kind of checking my watch in between the death scenes. For what it’s worth, the death scenes are pretty fantastic. Plenty of appendixes get mutilated throughout the film, and the scene with the man getting eaten by tarantulas was particularly effective (with a massive assist from the sound effects and soundtrack). I may need to watch this one again though, because this felt a bit slow for my tastes. Still, the good scenes will stick with you and overall the slow parts are worth waiting out.

252) Horror Hotel (1960) **: This is a very effective and straight slice of UK black and white horror infused with generous portions of gothic atmosphere. The story goes; a student wants to investigate the history of this spooky old New England town, and bites off more than she can chew. I think it’s her teacher, or boyfriend, or maybe both go in to save her and the whole scene just gets worse. Overall, this is more the type of film where you just sit back and take in the visuals than get caught up in the details of the plot. Good stuff.

251) Exorcisme (1979) ***: This film will forever hold a place in my heart as the flick that turned me on to the genius of Jess Franco. This print I saw was an older bootleg of abysmal quality, but Franco’s power still shines through. Here a deranged priest (played by Franco, of course) thinks the pseudo-Satanic black mass rituals held by a handful of s&m hedonists are the real thing, and he sets out to put an end to their evil…By tying them up nude and killing them. Franco’s reckless zooming and direct approach to the portrayal of kinky sex acts are all present, as well as an overall sense of European sleaze and decadence. A must for fans of Franco and s&m creeps.