The rest of 2008 Pt. I

116) Nekromantik (1987) **
117) Nekromantik 2 (1991) **: Well, not sure what to say about these two…No, really, I’m kind of at a loss for words. I did really enjoy these flicks, though. There’s a great somber, melodramatic (in a good way) tone throughout, which definitely exceeded my expectations, as generally the only people who talk about movies are “fucked up shit” types (there’s plenty of that, too), so thankfully there’s more to these movies than “shocking” imagery . Am I a bad person if I only had to cringe during the animal processing scenes?

118) Scream 3 (2000) zilch: Gone doggin.’

119) Faust: Love of the Damned (2000) *: On the surface: shitty Spawn knock off. After digging deeper? Shitty spawn knockoff with special effects by the mighty Screaming Mad George! That definitely makes any movie worth watching, in my book, but don’t sweat the rest of the flick too much, it’ll ruin the good stuff.

120) Mutilator (1986) *: Pretty much a textbook slasher which shows how far some decent death scenes can take you. Plotwise, you got a bunch of teenagers at a beach house getting picked off one by one with a variety of creative weapons (I told you this was textbook, didn’t I?), including most notoriously a fish hook up a gals hoo hah. Let it never be said that Vestron didn’t know how to pick the classy ones.

121) Vampyros Lesbos (1971) **: I always heard this title thrown around, so I assumed it would be one of the better Franco flicks, but I found this one to be pretty average. I should probably give it some more attention down the line, but as far as languid, dreamy vampire stuff goes, I’ll take Female Vampire, thanks.

122) Bloody Moon (1981) *: Well, I like slashers, I like Jess Franco, but a Jess Franco slasher? Sounded like a good idea, but it didn’t take long into actually watching the movie that I realized my favorite Franco flicks are when he’s doing the exact opposite of a slasher, so no wonder this one didn’t really work for me. There are only shades of Franco’s atmosphere at play, and the death scenes are way too restrained to make this kind of a picture work, so really it ends up being the worst of both worlds. Oh well, another one of his flicks to cross off the list.

123) Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1980) **: Oh what, just ‘cause blood & sleazefests are my cinematic bread and butter I can’t enjoy a decent made for TV kiddie Halloween flick with a young Goldblum at the helm? Really though, this is a surprisingly decent version of the story and I’d definitely watch this before that old queen Tim Burton’s version, yechhh.

124) Dead Girls (1990) *: Trying to get over the death of one of their band mates, the rock group “The Dead Girls” decide it’s best to take a sabbatical in the woods for awhile. And why not? It’s 1990, the slasher craze is on it’s way out, things should work out alright…Well, what do you think happens next? Yep, they start getting picked off one by one. This one’s a little late to the game, but I can name a lot of much better known flicks from about 5 years earlier that were way worse than this. Great death scenes, some tna, and of course all the cheese that comes with an all girl death rock group in a horror movie.

125) Satan’s Blade (1984) **: Well, I went into this expecting some full blown SOV retardation, 555 style, but there’s actually a lot of character to this low budget obscurity to raise it above the dregs. Actually, if you’re expecting cheese and over-the-top gore, you’re sure to be disappointed, as the nudity’s kept to a minimum, and the death scenes are pretty sub par, but there are these weird elements like “plot,” and “dialogue,” I think they call it, that kept me pretty engaged throughout. I mean, obviously no one’s reinventing the wheel with this one; you got a cursed knife that possesses its holder into doing evil, some cabins in the woods, a body count (body motherfuckin’ count), so it’s nothing too new, but there’s a weird dichotomy between the married couple cabin and single college girl cabin at play, and for whatever reason I found myself kind of warming up the to characters more than I usually do in these movies. Yeah, I’d say it’s definitely worth a watch or three.

126) Act of Vengeance (1974) **: Fairly absurd number about a rapist who makes his victims sing “Jingle Bells” while doing the deed. Yes, the guy wears a hockey mask a’la Jason and a jumpsuit a’la Michael Myers, but if you’re looking for a proto-slasher this ain’t exactly it, as the film takes more of a movie of the week approach to a typical 70’s exploitation rape/revenge motif. With its over acting and crude caricatures, you’ll find yourself longing for Italo sleazefests where rape is simply eroticized, and not treated like an after school special. I keep drawing comparisons to made for TV movies, but fear not exploitation hounds, there’s enough, uh, “visceral imagery” to keep this out of PG territory, and overall, despite the grossly inappropriate tone in relation to the subject matter, this is an enjoyable movie, even if it is, y’know…INCREDIBLY stupid.

127) Night After Halloween AKA Snapshot (1979) **: Another one I found myself enjoying and reflecting upon more than I probably should. At base you have a standard twist-and-turn giallo, UK style (read: sans excessive gore/nudity), revolving around a young woman trying to find her way in the world as a hair dresser, and then a model/bohemian. This obsessive dude from her “old life” keeps sweatin’ her, which of course makes him a prime suspect in the murders that start popping up around our protagonist. I dunno, maybe I was just in the mood for a flick like this, but it worked for me quite a bit.  

128) House of Terror AKA Kidnapped Coed (1976) ***: I liked this movie quite a bit. It’s a nice Stockholm Syndrome themed piece with a kidnapped girl warming up to her kidnapper. The only way to make these flicks work is if you find yourself warming up to the abductor in the same way as the victim, and Friedel thankfully knows how to sculpt a character. This is a prime example of the kind of low-key, dialogue driven, American exploitation that instantly clicks with me every time. This and Friedel’s other flick, Lisa, Lisa are absolutely essential viewing if you’re into that sort of thing.

129) Horror Hospital (1973) **: Man do I ever have a soft spot for psych-sploitation 70’s British horror…Well, I guess the only other flick I’ve seen that really fits that description would be the mighty Psychomania, which of course I had on my mind the entire time watching this little gem. There’s some corny plot about a dude getting kicked out of his rock band and going to a spa for “young people” to get his head straight, but the place turns out to be some kind of zombie factory or something, and then it’s up to him and some dame he met there to escape! Yeah, really cutting edge stuff, but the real charm, of course, comes from the attempt at being “hip” and “with it” or whatever. The midgets, nudity, and ultra cool zombie factory police in biker helmets don’t hurt, either. Great Gorgon Video release with killer clamshell art.

130) Frightmare (1983) *: Some no good kids get a hair up their ass to hijack the dead body of a Vincent Price-esque golden age horror movie star, and shenanigans ensue. Lite entertainment all the way here, so lite it’s not a stretch to call this a waste of time.

131) Love Thrill Murders (1971) **: Ah, Mansonsploitation, one of the tackiest and groan educing sub genre that exists. It’s all here folks, drugged out hippy orgies, bearded cult leaders, mingling with the straights and the inevitable massacre that follows. I guess Bloodsucking Freaks, another 70’s flick Troma’s managed to keep in circulation isn’t too far off of a comparison as far as hamfisted but effective entertainment is concerned. 

132) Aliens (1986) ***: Been so long since I’ve seen this, I might as well have never seen it at all. I saw the first flick recently, and was kind of underwhelmed, but this one makes a lot more sense to me. The visuals are what really grabs me when I watch it now, but I don’t think I really have much to say about any of these flicks that hasn’t been said better elsewhere.

133) Fatal Pulse (1988) *: Another 80’s slasher obscurity. Of course you got your borderline bdsm death scenes, tna, all the goodies, but what’ll undoubtedly stick to your ribs is the fact that the film makers insisted on inserting this “booOOooing” sound effect everytime the party dude character (name escapes me) comes on screen. Okay, at first it’s fine, they’re college kids, he’s the whaaacky sidekick, why not have a sound effect introduce him, but they do this EVERY TIME he comes on screen, and no s***, at one point the protagonist and the girl who doesn’t get killed are having this serious discussion about all the murders, and how she just lost her friend and all that, and yep “BOOOOOOING,” it’s PARTY DUDE MGEE, HE’S IN THIS SCENE NOW! Seriously, hats off guys, stuff like that is pretty much the reason I watch movies. Another fine CELEBRITY VIDEO release.

134) Cheerleader Camp (1987) *: Seminal 80’s schlock fest. You kinda know what you’re getting into with this one, so it’s not like you can fault it for being what it is, which is a teen oriented typical slasher with healthy servings of camp and tna.  

135) Monkey Shines (1988) **: Fairly middle of the road venture about a runner who gets hit by a car and becomes paralyzed, then gets a lab monkey from his scientist friend. Either through the lab chemicals or the trauma of the accident, the guy and monkey form this symbiotic relationship, which is more confusing than creepy. Then the guy hits it off with a chick, the monkey gets jealous, and then it’s bad news for everyone. There’s some attempt to address man’s “primitive” nature and all that, but like I said, this is so adult (yuppie, even) oriented that nothing’s really visceral enough to leave much of an impact.

136) Link (1986) zilch: Anthropologist studies apes. Wide eyed student gets hired to help the anthropologist. Apes off the anthropologist and now it’s student vs. monkey in a dusty mansion survival match to the death. For a “thriller” it’s not quite thrilling, and it goes on for way too long. I dunno, just an overall snooze fest, unless you’re just dying to see an ape chase a chick around a house for 100 minutes.

137) Twice Dead (1988) *: A family in a financial bind inherits a house from a relative, but when they arrive they find the place overrun with bad kids, just lousy with a rag-tag group of punks trying their hardest to do their best Lost Boys impression (sans vampirism, of course). The family decides to hold its ground, but most of the fighting is done by their teenage son who defends their homestead the best way he knows how: BOOBY TRAPS! But these traps are set up to SCAAAAAAARE the ruthless street hoodlums into leaving their house alone. A series of far fetched near escapes goes down, some peripheral characters get offed in the process, you know the deal…Some supernatural fuelled death scenes get tacked on at the end for the flick to qualify as horror, but then a gajillion fake endings just make you feel insulted. Not a bad time waster, but you’re better off playing Tetris.

138) The Power (1984) zilch: Your standard “ancient artifact brings out murderous rage in unsuspecting victim” motif. Some okay death scenes scattered throughout, but nothing that quite makes up for all the down time.

139) Hide and Go Shriek (1988) *: Tediously generic slasher in which some teens spend the night in an old warehouse and get picked off one by one. Enough sex and cheesy acting to keep genre fans sedate, but some better death scenes could have provided some much needed grit and ugliness.

140) The Confessional (1976) *: My confession? I spaced out for most of this. It’s hard to keep some of these british numbers straight if you’re not in the mood, and this one’s pretty dry. I can’t really say this was BAD, bad, but I doubt I’ll be putting in the time for a rewatch anytime soon.

141) The Demon (1979) zilch: Ugh, SO fucking convoluted. This starts out as a psychic detective kind of flick, but the victims of the killer are too random for that to go on for very long, and the movie never quite reaches slasher pace. Some nudity and a decent enough climax makes for something I guess, bug everything that goes on up until then is just a waste of your time.

142) Deadly Sunday (1982) **: I found this obscurity to be quite refreshing. A family wanders into a stickup and the pack of criminals (who outnumber the hostages it seems) create a climate of fear for about 90 minutes or so. There’s kind of an inept Dog Day Afternoon feel, but I really appreciate the real time aspect of the film more than anything. And the fact that you’re in the process of a crime with no reprieve, no police negotiations, no external subplot, just this holdup from the beginning to end of the movie does create a somewhat unsettling atmosphere. Of course the characters are more like caricatures, and most of the attempts to give the gunmen any depth, such as the pathetic rape sequence just feel forced and tacked on. But still, for an independent film with minimal cast and location they manage to make the film work. Definitely worth checking out if you’re in the mood for some barebones exploitation.

143) Dance or Die (1987) *: Fucking MIND NUMBING shot on video stupidity here. Prime example of Chinese menu , mix-and-match style premise. “Uh, you got a…Recovering coke addict with a…Dance troupe in…Las Vegas!” Aaaaand, script. Like, so much stupid shit goes down that has nothing to do with acting, budget, film quality, or whatever…Such as naming the criminal you’re supposed to be living in fear of “Turtle.” I think this is supposed to be a “thriller” or something, but I can’t imagine anyone who’s not into zilch budget horror and shitty movies in general getting any sort of kick out of this. It’s absurdity does make for an unintentionally very watchable flick, though, I must say.

144) Initiation of Sarah (1978) *: Pretty good for a made fro TV number, kind of a mash up of Carrie and…Oh, no, I guess that’s it, just a straight Carrie knockoff. Awkward girl with vaguely evil psychic powers goes to college with her cool sister and has to face the realities of sorority culture and all that. Like I said, this is made for TV, complete with spots for commercial breaks, but you could do worse as far as these flicks go. Still basically not worth watching, though

145) Omen IV (1991) *: Another made for TV joint, but it plays like an average straight to video number. Kind of jumbles the plots of Omen and Omen II, with the parents suspecting their daughter (yeah, a girl this time, TWIST!) of nogoodery as they see her mature, and the daughter doing the jealous routine of the first Omen. They try to make it all grand scale by the end, though, but you can still tell where these chips are gonna fall. Really, outside of some themes, there’s nothing technique-wise which makes this horror, and you could get this mistaken with a Problem Child sequel with the TERRIBLE score (I swear I hear swipes from Batman The Animated Series pop up here and there) and all little kids being bad. Basically just a typical, mildly entertaining movie, which I guess is the point of these made for TV joints, so there you go.

146) Name For Evil (1973) zilch: Yeah, you gotta work pretty hard to make a flick centering around some yuppies dropping out and moving to a haunted grove and having orgies in the woods and have it be this boring, but yes, they do manage to pull it off. Basically you got a typical “GET OUT” style haunted house flick with this hippie “back to nature” stuff tacked on which just makes for a confused and tedious venture. Unless you get off on nudist footage, I’d just sit this out out.

147) The Last Slumber Party (1988) zilch: No, not even the titillating title and promise of “MUSIC BY FIRSTRYKE (sic)” on the cover could save this one. In all fairness I was watching it on a beat to hell exrental that was cutting in and out like nobody’s biz, but for a shot on video schlock fest this falls way short of the grizzly death and gawdy nude scenes you come to expect from the best of these films. The excessive homophobic slurs was, uh, at least unexpected, but when a bunch of “f bombs” are most noteworthy aspects of a film, you know you’re in trouble.

148) Prom Night II (1987) *: The first one’s boring, the third one’s at least “fun” with its campiness and “80’s” teen factor, so I guess it’s only logical that the 2nd in the series is a middle, even more boring ground between the two. Think the kids who weren’t cool enough to get Saturday school in The Breakfast Club doing nothing with a ghost story in the background. Creepy animatronic carousel horse, at least.

149) Gates of Hell (1980) ***: One of the few Fulci films that just floored me right out the gate. The visuals and effects are perfect, the film has tons of eerie sounds, and an all around great atmosphere. When the man nails it, he fucking nails it, and this flick is definitely Fulci nailing it.

150) Satan’s Touch (1984) zilch: Alright folks we’re nearing the bottom, the point in which you get done watching the movie and just go “Jesus, what am I doing with my life?” Forget Salo, forget those blahblahblah of Death videos, it’s this mindless SOV retardation that’ll make you hate yourself for your obsession with crappy flicks. Like, just ignore the amazing cover art/title, because that might have you thinking this is remotely good, or, you know, based in horror in anyways. What you really get is a Tales from the Crypt…No, Darkside…No, GOOSEBUMPS style premise about the devil who “curses” this non-believer with the ability to NEVER lose a bet when he goes to Vegas. The mess lumbers on for 86 minutes, in which time you’ll have lost track of time from pummeling yourself in the face with your own fists. This might just be the only time in the history of people talking about movies that anyone has every compared anything to Night Train to Terror, but even then I feel like that’s dragging the Night Train’s fine name through the mud. I mean, honestly, as a fan of schlock I lap up bad acting, loose plots, and just the general DIY spirit in genre pictures, but this one just weighed me down with all these questions, like, in the back of their mind were the film makers thinking this would be their way into the film industry? How many people have ever even seen or heard of this movie? How messed up is my life when I get to the point where I just sit down and finish a movie like this start to finish? Y’know, I’m not sure I can say for certain any other movie has opened up as many questions about my world as this one has.

151) Warhol’s Dracula (1974) ***: Yo, I fucking LOVE Paul Morrissey flicks, and I dug his Frankenstein quite a bit, so no surprise that I dug this one too. It’s erotic, it’s lavish, it’s garish, what else could you ask for? I mean, I will say what I like this guy’s flicks most for is their realism, so the “film and see what happens” approach, to, say, Trash feels kind of restricted when it’s applied to genre, but what can you do. This and Frankenstein were obviously experiments, and I think they succeed greatly in what they go for.  

152) Revenge of the Radioactive Reporter (1990) *: A Troma ripoff that manages to be slightly more coherent than what Troma was doing at the time. Don’t worry, it’s still absurd enough to live up to the title…Maybe not the cover art though, that thing is beautiful!

153) Day of the Maniac (1972) *: Hmmm, can’t say I remember much of this one. It seems to be a fairly well respected giallo, though. You might also know the title as All The Colors of the Dark.

154) Deathship (1980) *: Well, there’s kind of a glass ceiling for how good a haaaunted ship movie can be, and I’m not saying this quite gets there even, but overall it still ain’t a bad watch (and I should also note that haunted ANYTHING movies have a tendency to bore me to tears). The blood shower scene is obviously the winner for me

155) The Alien Dead (1980) **: “That meteor didn’t kill those people, it turned them into goddamn monsters!” Well, there you have it. Alien Dead is a thoroughly entertaining, zilch budget Floridian NOTLD homage with some local yokel flavor. It’s pure mindless bliss, but if you can’t get behind “renegator” and a scene involving a dog eating his master’s guts segueing directly into banjo music, then you’re on your own. 

156) Scared To Death (1981) *: I know I’ve seen this, but I seriously can’t remember anything about it. Something about a detective and an Alien? I dunno, these post-Alien alien flicks kind of blur together after awhile.

157) Warlock Moon (1975) **: You’re lucky you were made in ’75, Warlock Moon, ‘cause if shit didn’t look so cool during this era, and there wasn’t such a higher standard for exploitation than, say, 10 years later, you’d be pretty boring. As it stands, I can hang, but the nuts and bolts of the movie aren’t particularly outstanding. There’s some endearing acting, good locations, and enough general care put into the flick to make it worth watching, though.

158) Bloody Wednesday (1985) zilch: “In 1 hour and 26 minutes 35 people will lose their lives!” Wow, Prism really knew how to sell people on their vids back in the day, did they not? Catching a bit of a Taxi Driver style bleak urban vibe from this, but y’know, not pulled off well enough to make this a legitimate movie or anything.

159) Blood Tide (1982) ***: I liked this movie a lot. It’s really more of a study of the extremely engrossing characters than a monster movie, which is probably why I can remember more about James Earl Jone’s relationship with his girlfriend than what the monster who was terrorizing the Greek village looked like. Actually, I wouldn’t concern yourself too much with the nuts and bolts of this flick, other than it was a fairly mature film with great acting and some genuinely creepy moments. I might actually draw a comparison to The Wicker Man in the general tone, which is a great compliment in my book.

160) Crawlers (1990) zilch: Oh, hey, I thought this was just regular shitty, I didn’t realize Joe D’amato was at the helm! This is just a few notches below the production quality of, say, the average Full Moon picture (which is to say, a step up for D’amato), and unfortunately it’s just as boring and trite as those flicks. No skin, no good death scenes, really…I mean, we’re talking radioactive roots and there’s no graphic rape scene? For shame! I mean, if you like schlock and bad lines with worse deliver, by all means, but you could just as well watch any Sci-Fi Channel original production and get the same out of it.

161) Edge of Sanity (1989) **: I’m tempted to give this one three stars, ‘cause I did thoroughly enjoy the flick, but you have only Perkins to thank for making this one work, really. At base it’s an “edgy,” more “adult” retooling of the Jeckyll and Hyde motif, which, now that I type it, sounds pretty revolting, but there’s enough lurid sex, and again, A Perks to make this work, somehow.

162) Death in Hollywood (1980) zilch: Okay, this one’s not even ON IMDB, so what’s that tell you? The movie (?) is based on an eccentric relic from the Hollywood’s golden era staging a comeback by producing an adaptation of some book, and of course there’s a web of betrayal and intrigue and what have you. Seriously, I know this expression gets tossed around, but this is pretty much is THEE bottom of the barrel right here. Seriously, when you find yourself watching VECTOR HOME VIDEO presentations of teleplays it’s time to go outside, get some fresh air, smell the daisies and all that.

163) Howling II (1985) *: Two things I will always remember about this film: great head exploding scene, and suuuuper cheesy goth club graffiti with shit like “BAT CAVE” and “SPECIMEN” written on the walls. Definitely the most tolerable of the sequels, but still a waste of time.

164) Howling III (1987) zilch: I watched all these in one day, and the only notes I have on it are “baby wolf shapeshifters.” I’ll let you figure that one out.  

165) Howling IV (1988) zilch: Fuck, these all kind of blended together after awhile. I think this one had some cool Satanic ritual stuff, and maybe a werewolf sex scene? Like I said, this stuff all blends together after awhile.

166) Howling V (1989) zilch: Ugh, only one more left, I’m almost free…

167) Howling VI (1991) zilch: Okay, they were kinda running out of steam by this one. Something about a bunch of circus freaks and a ghost town or something?  

168) Summer Camp Nightmare (1987) *: Well, I guess this is more action than horror, but hey, it’s the 80’s, there’s a bunch of teenagers misbehavin’ in the woods, so it’s fair game as far as I’m concerned. This is more of a woodland Over The Edge, as a bunch of campers overthrow their camp and party…TEENAGER STYLE! After some dissent in the group and a rape trial (?!) it starts to resemble Lord of the Flies a bit more, but the highlight for me is, of course, the cover of Fear’s “Beef Bologna” which must be seen to be believed.  

169) Bloodsuckers (1970) *: Can’t say I remember much of this, but I do remember some classy and swank 70’s Satanic rituals, which never hurts anything.  

170) Flesh Feast (1970) zilch: Floridian exploitation piece. Pretty boring and overall worthless. Spoiler alert: The last shot is a decapitated Hitler head. Just throwing that out there.

171) Doctor Death (1973) *: I liked this movie, but I’m a sucker for malevolent characters hamming it up, and the “Doctor Death” of the title has a heavy Wizard of Gore vibe. That should tip you off that despite coming out in the heyday of low key horror/exploitation with a distinctly “modern” feel, the good doctor chooses to take us back into 60’s b-movie territory, but with some updated blood n’ gore. Also worth noting that this is Moe from 3 Stooges last role!  

172) Doctor Doom (1963) *
173) New Invisible Man (1958) *
174) Spiritism (1962) **
175) Curse of the Doll people (1961) *:
176) Curse of the Crying Woman **: These were all part of this cheapo six movie Mexican horror set (I had already seen Night of the Bloody Apes). I lined ‘em up in a row, so obviously there’s a lot of blurring together, but I found them all to be slightly above par drive-in faire. Considering the year they were all produced, obviously these are a bit tame for my tastes, but I do like me some shadows and fog and spooky atmospheric stuff, and a lot of these (especially Spiritism) delivered in spades. These definitely weren’t as good as some of the Something Weird Mexi-horror vids I’ve seen, but you definitely gotta be willing to take the good with the bad with this stuff.

177) Igor + The Lunatics (60’s/80’s) zilch: I guess this one started in the 60’s and didn’t get finished ‘til the 80’s, and the results are about exactly as strewn together as you might imagine. Seriously, I watched it all the way through and I’m still lost.  

178) Night of the Zombies (1980) zilch: Boring as shit nazi zombie flick. Nothing more worth saying, this is just a tremendous piece of shit.

179) Schizo (1976) *: Typically restrained brit-horror faire with giallo overtones based around a woman on the run from the man who she thinks killed her mother. Of course there’s a bunch of twists and turns and a shock ending with a lot of nudity thrown in for good measure, which of course translates to a pretty entertaining flick.

180) Summer Camp Nightmare (1987) *: Well, with a name like that, obviously you want a dummy slasher, but this is an okay action-ish flick that’s kind of a play on the Lord of the Flies motif…Except with a band covering Fear songs. And a weird rape subplot. Eh, you can sit through it pretty easily.

181) Bloodsuckers (1970) n/a: Shit, I know this one had something to do with…Vampires? A rich family? I dunno, this one’s a blur to me.

182) Evil Ed (1995) zilch: Shitty straight to video Swedish import. Nothing really redeeming about this flick about a film editor who goes crazy editing violent horror flicks. Just pure crap.

183) House on Sorority Row (1983) *: Okay, what’s with this cover art? It looks like the cover of a coming of age romance novel or something. So great. I guess you could call this a slasher, I mean, you got a bunch of girls misbehaving in a house getting mysteriously picked off, so there’s not much else you’d call it. At least there’s a somewhat interesting plot revolving around the accidental murder of the uptight denmother.

184) Invitation to Hell (1984) **: Lite, made-for-TV schlock that’s actually pretty entertaining. I mean, Susan Lucci as the devil, are you gonna put that down? How about a dude in an astronaut suit wandering around hell? This is definitely 80’s cheese, but it’s fun enough to get me past the general “PG-dom” of made for TV horror.

185) Bloodlink (1982) **: This one’s not on DVD, which is weird, ‘cause it’s kind of a, y’know, real movie and all. I mean, when Michael Moriarty wants to play a cool character, the man can pull it off like none other, so he pretty much makes this instantly likeable, and makes you forget you’re watching a “psychological thriller” based around an evil twin motif. Yeah, there’re ridiculous plot holes and leaps of faith you take, but like I said, when you’re sucked in by Moriarty’s charm, it’s all water under the bridge. Great flick, for sure.

186) Keep My Grave Open (1976) ***: Ooooh, now this one I liked. Good case study on some nutty dame who’s fresh out of the asylum and going stir crazy in her spooky rural house. This plays like a less lurid, Americanized version of the best Jess Franco work, especially the scene where the woman applies the makeup and the camera just brings you uncomfortably close to the subject, which puts a completely different spin on the ritual. Honestly, there’s a lot more depth and atmosphere to this flick than you might expect to get from an obscure drive in picture, and I found myself getting really sucked in.  

187) Devilfish (1984) *: Not just an Italian Jaws clone, but a LAMBERTO BAVA Jaws clone! You get a pretty much nonsensical plot, some decent looking girls, and of course oodles of schlock.  

188) Dracula (1931) ***: Hey now, can’t beat the real thing, huh? Took me long enough, but I finally got down to watching the original ’31 version of Dracula, and it definitely holds up even after my mind’s been fully saturated with all the various mutations over the years. I dunno, I hate talking about these super classy numbers, but I do enjoy watching them on the few instances I can pull my mind out of the gutter.

189) Alabama’s Ghost (1973) ***: You don’t often hear this film’s name without the phrase “absurd” or “surreal” close behind, and probably for good reason. There’s a very post-psychedelic feel to the movie, with a heavy Robert Downey Sr. vibe (Putney Swope comes to mind), with a bit of Dr. Strangelove, and the Paul Morrissey/Mike Kuchar approach of deconstructing/reassembling American b-movie cinema. The plot has something to do with an aspiring nightclub entertainer coming across a dead magician’s stash and becoming a sort of counter culture icon through his newfound magic tricks, but you’ll probably be too absorbed with crazy visuals, cheap gags and bizarre film techniques to really worry too much about the plot details. Fairly heady stuff for sure, but it’s that rare breed of film that can appeal to both exploitation junkie and art house aficionado, so you’d be doing yourself a great disservice to miss this one. And as an added bonus this one’s hosted by Elvira. The box has been cut up to fit the case, though.

190) The Thirsty Dead (1974) *: This one’s shot in the Philippines and centers around a cult that abducts buxom babes and saps their fluids. It’s a Technicolor nightmare

191) Holy Terror (2002) zilch: Shit-fi digital camera turd revolving around…I dunno, some possession nonsense. I THINK there was boobs in this, but obviously not enough or of high enough quality to remember. Even if you’re like me and dig these DIY efforts on principle and for their ineptitude, this one’s a pass.

192) Black Demons (1991) **: Hmmm, I can’t recall ever being really impressed with an Umberto Lenzi flick (and yeah, I’ve seen his cannibal stuff), so I was surprised that this flick kept me engaged throughout, especially for coming out so late in the game. The one revolves around some tourists who get caught in the middle 

193) Horror of Spider Island (1960) *: Schlocky as hell drive in stuff about some pin-up girl looking models stranded on an island for some reason, frolicking and being picked off by spider monsters. It’s typical b-move cheese, but I was able to sit through it all the way.

194) Bloody Pit of Horror (1965) *: Eh, adequate sub-Bava, Italian “killer-in-the-castle” flick. The killer looks corny/cool, and it’s all all around decent b-movie. Nothing to go crazy over, though.

195) The Dark (2005) zilch: Eh, this came on TV, figured I’d give it a whirl. Crap modern “psychological thriller” that plays with the not-at-all-tired “woman no one believes, but turns out to be right all along” premise.

196) Straight Jacket (1982) *: 1982, that’s way too late for this to be this cheeseball…Anyways, this one has a made-for-TV thriller vibe, and follows this really weak story about a woman who (gasp) used to be an alcoholic, and her asshole insurance agent husband who won’t let her forget it. They move into some shitty house, and she has these psychic visions of a murder that took place there a long time ago. She somehow gets one of the ex-cops who worked the unsolved murder case involved in the fiasco, and manages to have nothing interesting happen the entire movie. Somehow I sat through this shit, and it was kind of watchable in its own, retarded way, but it’s still incessantly stupid.

197) Slaughterhouse (1987) *: “SHIT YOU GUYS!” Decent slasher that following a the retard with a meat cleaver on the video cover killing people ‘cause his dad/uncle/whatever’s slaughterhouse is closing down. A minor entry into the rural creep genre, but an entry nonetheless.

198) Terror Creatures From The Grave (1965) n/a: Can’t remember this one for the life of me.

199) California Axe Massacre AKA Lisa, Lisa (1977) ***: Short, but very to the point flick about some bank robbers on the run, who hide out in an unsuspecting farmhouse. The only residents of the house are a catatonic old man, and Lisa, presumably the man’s granddaughter, who takes care of him. When you have a young woman and three criminals shacked up in a house for the duration of a film, there’s always this tension that SOMETHING is going to happen, but thankfully the film never goes the obvious route, and between the father, staring silently at the television, and the few words spoken by Lisa throughout the film, it’s really up to the viewer to pick up on all the undertones. The film is extremely subtle, but far from dull. With just a hair over an hour’s worth of actual film, there’s really not much down time to be had, anyways. This is an excellent film, masterfully crafted, and definitely worth checking out.

200) Massacre At Central High (1976) **: There’s a very proto-Heathers plot where a new kid comes into a school and doesn’t feel like going with the heirchy of bullydom, and when the bullies try to hammer down the nail that sticks out, the nail gets back by offing all the bullies, but then the film gets REALLY interesting when the once subservient student body starts acting just as bad as the bullies. You might ask “where are the adults when all this is happening?” Well, you might be a jerk, ‘cause who cares? The social allegory about the students needing leadership, even at the hands of bullies is kinda corny, but you also have to hand it to ‘em for at least TRYING to elevate what’s basically a typical revenge/slasher number and taking a left turn half way through instead of just dragging out the bully slayings to fill up the full 90 minutes. This is actually a really cool, enjoyable movie.